HorrorSpeak---Terror Awaits You in Every Forum!!!!: Looking for some Critique.

thanks guys, I know the whole 1 page = 1 minute, and all the stuff I posted here is pretty much my set up. And I'm figuring it out to be about 20 - 25 minutes. It's really hard for me to get my story's on paper, and could you elaborate on my grammar problem cause I am aware, just not enough, and don't know what I need to fix.

Also the gang isn't going to be called after the sins, they don't ever really elaborate on their names, it's just my point of reference, to remember who is who. And it is a little irritating on paper, so sorry for that, lol.

the way I'm plotting it, is after what you guys have read, the hitman takes his own eyes out with the razorblade, and approx. a year later, seeks vengeance against the gang. As a blind folded hit man, and each segment takes place after the 7 deadly sins, capping off with their death.

the next segment, is the gluttony/sloth where our hero doesn't really do anything yet, leading up to him taking out that representation, followed by LUST, which is going to be the first huge action sequence, where our blind hitman raids a strip club, and it's back rooms to find the lust character in a VIP room, and take him out.

thanks again for the criticism, and I surely invite more.

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