HorrorSpeak---Terror Awaits You in Every Forum!!!!: JESUS CHRIST VAMPIRE HUNTER

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
2001 - 85 minutes
Director: Lee Gordon Demarbre
Writer: Ian Driscoll

Tagline:
The first testament says "an eye for an eye."
The second testament says "love thy neighbour."
The third testament… KICKS ASS!

With a title like Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter, I just HAD to watch. I mean c'mon, it's got the Big J.C. Himself, and a whole crew of vampires – lesbian vampires. Eventually Jesus teams up with a masked wrestler, El Santos, to kick vamp ass together. How could this go wrong?

This title is easily classified as a “Sub-B” movie work – not that that is necessarily a bad thing. This ultra-low budget movie from Canada is an entertaining watch, though I'm not going to lie to you folks. It's bad. Really really bad. But yet I stayed engaged throughout and had no trouble making it through, so in that respect Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is a success. There's a lot of bad acting, so much so that you get the feeling that everyone involved were friends, all invited to play a part whether they can act or not. But in a movie this cheesy, this vibe almost adds to the films enjoyment. The viewer can sense that the cast had a blast making this movie.

The fight scenes were damn funny with a lot of Kung-fu sound effects thrown into them to add to the campiness. Plenty of silly gags that tend to jab at the mythology of Christ and the church. (For example, Jesus get into a fight with vampires in a bar. He grabs a mug of beer, blesses it, takes a large sip into his mouth, and sprays it out into the lesbians vampires faces, which of course begin to burn and smolder due to exposure from the Holy Brew.) In addition are some nice gags, like a crazy doctor cutting the kidneys out of a body, wrapping them around his hands, and punching Jesus with them. The unspoken pun here, “Kidney Punches” If you like cheesy humor such as this (I do) you will most likely enjoy Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. If you do not, then move along folks, nothing to see here.

If the title of this movie offends you, the movie is sure to do the same. For me, this was one of those really cheesy movies that is so bad it's good. If you may be interested in this, check out the clip linked below. It not only shows you a fight scene in all its cheesiness, but gives you a good idea of the quality, or should I say, LACK of quality contained in the entire work.

Fight Scene from Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQt6cqOxspM&feature=related

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"You're a gentleman," they used to say to him. "You shouldn't have gone murdering people with a hatchet; that's no occupation for a gentleman."